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It all started 10 long years ago. I was a normal person with a job and friends. It only took one day to change that. That day I sat with my friends, hanging out having fun, sharing some drinks. Everything was normal until the police turned up. Two uniformed officers emerged from the car as well as a familiar face. It was someone from our friend group. Well, that’s odd I thought. It turns out that the police were looking for my friend. He was not a criminal, he had not broken any laws. His brother, part of our friend…

Hi all,

In my last post, I talked about the decision of whether to move to Queensland with my family or stay in Sydney alone. Well, I have decided to move to Queensland and be close to my family. The decision was weighing so heavily on me that it was causing me a significant amount of anxiety. I needed to make a decision and stick to it for some peace of mind. I think being stuck in decision-making mode can cause more disruption to your life than the actual change. …

Nice to meet you — am I red yet?

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I was on a ship. There was no way out. The conversation moved towards blowjobs. A conversation I don’t partake in particularly often, but it doesn’t really bother me — except for when my mum is sitting right next to me.

I could feel the heat start rush to my face. Please don’t do this, I thought to myself. But it was no use.

I quickly downed a bunch of Jalapenos sitting atop a plate of nachos on the table. I draw attention to myself and start fanning my face. “Oh my god, those chilies are hot!” I say. …

Hi all,

In my last post, I talked about Tim Ferriss and his “dreamlines” and outlined my own dreamlines. I am sceptical that I will live my own dreamlines but it is fun to think about all the same.

Anyway, this week I am at a crossroads. It is a crossroads that I have been dreading for some time. Do I move to Queensland with my family or stay in Sydney alone? Since my diagnosis of Schizophrenia, I have heavily relied on my family to look after me and to make sure I am keeping up with simple tasks and…

Hi all,

where should I begin? I said last week that I was struggling with my weight from the alcohol consumption and the medication Saphris. It is a common occurrence that weight gain accompanies mental health conditions. One of the first side effects listed of the medication used to treat mental health conditions is weight gain.

I have continued running every day and was 90.8kg at my last weigh-in. So down only 0.3kg. A pretty disappointing result considering all the exercise I have been doing.

This week I started reading the 4-hour workweek. In it Tim Ferriss talks about “dreamlines”…

Hi all,

as I said in my previous post I had the first drink after being sober for 55 days. It caused me a lot of anxiety because of the fear that this drink would trigger alcoholism and I wouldn’t be able to stop. I have had multiple glasses of wine since that first drink and I am happy with the amount I have been able to keep it to. Not drinking every night and having a standard glass when I do partake. However, that is not the point of this post.

When I was deep in my drinking I…

Was it worth it?

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I finish the first draft of my law school assessment and I feel like I should treat myself. What should I do? I run over a myriad of ideas in my mind. I should order a Turkish pizza and binge watch Netflix. That sounds good but then I remember I am on a diet and I don’t want to be on a diet a day longer than I need to be so I go back to the drawing board. I have a couple of hours to kill and I haven’t been pampered in a minute so I decide on a…

Hi all,

As I said in my previous post I have been going to AA meetings. Everyone there was super supportive and kind to me. As I sat in a meeting last Saturday and listened to everyone's stories I realised that fortunately, I am not an alcoholic. The fact just slowly dawned on me over the course of the meeting. I heard the same stories over and over again. “One drink is too many one thousand is not enough”. “Once I picked up a drink I couldn’t predict my behaviour”. That is just not me. …

Hi all,

It has been about 3 weeks since I got out of the hospital. As I said in my previous post I was becoming increasingly paranoid and my drinking was getting out of control so my mental health team thought it was best to have me hospitalized. (If you want to read about my experience in the hospital you can check out my story here). I was there for 3 weeks and it was a good experience overall. Adjusting to life outside the hospital was really difficult to start. The rigid schedule in hospital, wake up at 8 am…

I was detoxing and on the verge of psychosis

Photo by Maria Lysenko on Unsplash

“I think you need to go to the hospital, even if it’s just to take a break from the drinking,” my psychiatrist commented. Paranoid andunravelling, I agreed to go.

A suitcase and anxiety in tow, the hospital waiting room looks like a corporate office suite. It is a private hospital, to be fair. Maybe this will be more like a hotel than a hospital, I thought. The only difference is that you need permission to leave.

There is a woman sitting across from me. She is older and her grey hair looks unkempt. She is statuesque in her body language…


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